in fading, im broken inside.

doubt i could of had a worse week, do you ever get the feeling like everyone and everything hates you? i felt like this all week, so many people seemed to have ago, i just did everything wrong and i dont know what to do. i give up!

they never said it would be easy, just that it would be worth it.
i have two weeks off school and i want to go back thinner. im going to give it my all! i promise you that. my best friends at home in dubai while the boarding house is closed for the holidays, so i wont be out drinking our out for meals with her. i have absolutely nothing planned, theres parties over these holidays but i dont want to go because i want to go back and for it to be a shock. i need some diet plans and exercise plans quick! so anyone please help! and tell me how youre getting along? i could really do with all your support.

on a better note either this summer or next im going to australia to stay with my auntie for a month, i think i might go next, depends on how i feel closer to the time. this summers only 5 weeks but next will be 10 because of studie leave an everything..

stay strong lovelys xoxo

its just you and me, against the world, against ourselves.

sitting on my roof out my bedroom window, wondering what is going to happen next? what is going to go wrong? something has to just fuck everything up, ruin perfection. i live my life in a bubble at the moment just taking things as they come and just watching everyone elses life go by. i cant see danger, or anyone elses feelings, mind that i cant even see my own feelings, i dont even think i have any. i speak my mind so much, if i look at someone and the first thing that comes into my head i'll tell them what i think, i dont care who they are. i havent got on the scales, i dont really want to either.

i will waste away, this month.

i will. i will.
xoxo

where we go hardcore.

i cant beleive how long i havent posted in, ive became so rubbish at all this. this used to be like my life id sit on here for hours commenting and posting.
im dropping pounds like you wouldnt believe!
ive turned to purging again, which i promised myself i wouldnt because of my teeth! :( but if im loosing weight then its working. my lifes became so wild! im honestly out every weekend and if im not im thinking about when im next going to be out.
im going to try and keep you posted with everything and get back into this cause i used to be obsessed!
how is everyone doing?! stay strong girlies xoxo

life ain't no nintendo game, you dont get no second chances.

i dont know what to think, or who to believe. everything spun out of control and hit rock bottom. my only support is myself and i have to sort things out. once you hit rock bottom the only way is up, the only person who can sort it out is me, i either sort things out or stay at rock bottom. and rock bottom isnt a very nice place.
xoxo

i want to fall asleep and never wake up..

sorry i havent posted i smashed my laptop and had to wait to get a new one.
fyi;
ive had a massive fall out with my mum and i dont live with her anymore i havent for about 10 days ish? and god its weird, i miss her and stuff. im in tears writing this, cause just now have i realised how shit my life is. i fucking hate my life. my friends are two faced, shit, backstabbing, useless wastes of space, annoying. i sometimes look at people i hate and think i hope you get hit by a train. everyone and their fucking perfect life, and there's me with no dad and a mum that doesnt want me! life is class.

being at my grans has made weightloss hard, but now im settled it im going to try and stick to it, easier said then done with her forcing food down my throat.

xoxo

just a little bit smaller.

atleast i didnt gain.
got on the scale and it had only dropped by 0.04 on my bmi but atleast i didnt gain, thats the main thing

Tea -
very small salad
letuce
cucumber
sweetcorns
grated carrot
grated cheese

but only a very small amount, i dont know how much calories there was but it was the only thing i ate all day because i was scared it would be 500 cals.

how am i meant to keep starving myself when my mum buy all the fatty foods id love to live off! she came home today with chocolate muffins and my heart stopped! i was like nooooooooooo, how the fuck am i meant to stay away?! all i think about is food twenty four, seven!

i want a flat stomach like the girl in the middle for summer.

46 pounds away from perfection.

i will get there, you'll see ox

hello hip bones.

got on the scale and 136. well done me, may be slow at the moment but its still going. i can see more of a difference aswell!


Lunch
toast - 138 cal
butter - 40 cal
half an apple - 30 cal
mouth full of milkshake - 20 cal

Tea
sandwich - 100 cal
eclaire - 147cal [if i could of got away without eating this i would of, but my mum went and bought 2 one for me and one for her and she found it abit weird how i wasnt eating it, cause i used to love them, but it was within my daily cals so its okay]
            
= 475 cal

all i want to be is beautiful. i know i have amazing friends who love me, but i need to love myself aswell. i want to be able to look in the mirror without wanting to cry, without hating what i see staring back at me.

i'll try to do this.

i will do this, not for anyone else, just for me.

stay strong girlies ox