shut up complaining you fat slut.

Only two and a half days stuck at my grans eating! :/


Being stuck here has made me heavier then before i started this! FAT FUCKING SLUT!
Im nearly ten stone!? TEN FUCKING STONES! :'(


Celulite thighs. belly rolls. fat face. flabby arms.


I could cry. I feel so dirty fat.


Only two and a half more days! & then i can go home and starve & run & walk & purge.


I HATE MYSELF.

KG; one fat fuck. ox

been a while

No weight loss.

Well me and my mother had an argument three days ago and havent talked since and tonight she went if your not going to help you can ring your gran and go and stay with her. But i dont know if she meant just while the kitchen was getting done or forever. She does my fucking head in the stupid slut.
Im sure theres something wrong in her head.

So im going to stay at my grans for a week then i'll come home and see what crack is. Cause theres only ten days til im back at school and my stupid mother needs to buy me some new shoes.

Anyways i havent done much accept sleep and stay in bed.

KG; ox

i want your loving.

i wont even bother talking about my weight.

i've been acting totally different for the past few months or so. and i was looking up my symtoms on the internet and im worried that i have bipolar disorder. I have had depression since i started secondary but it had sort of calmed down at the start of this year and recently its seemed to of got alot worse. Not as in self harm anymore, nothing like that. Just awfull mood swings like lasting for days or weeks, from total highs to complete lows. & also the hopless lows, where i just feel crap for no reason atall. Ive had a few other symtoms and im not sure what to do next? tell my mum? go to the doctors (which i'd need my mum for) or leave it.

Im still awake and its five in the morning. But im not even tired. Im staying awake all night cause then tonight i'll go to sleep at a decent time. & therefore get up at a decent time.


KG; ox

not even worth writing about.

Ive eaten a hell of alot!
I still have no job.
Im still fat.
& i havent been on a walk in a day.


I have 16 days until i start back at school!
& i need to look amazing.


I want for school;
false eyelashes.
false nails
new bag
new shoes
new mascarra
new foundation.


i hate myself. i hate myself for having no will power. i hate myself for being who i am.

KG; ox

fat mess.

i didnt dare weigh myself this morning. fat. fat. fat.
but that didnt stop me eating today. even more of a fat whore.

So tomorrow i will stop, hold me to it.

I rang places asking about jobs today and since its wednesday most places are closed or close early so alot didnt answer, but the ones that did said ring back when the boss is in. I have to ring one back tomorrow along with the rest who didn't answer and one on saturday. I really do hope i get a job. Im totaly broke. I have £1.30.
And a job would get me out of bed and on my feet i guess.

But my walk tonight well hellish, me & P walked for three hours flat. I feel like i have blisters the size of golf balls on my feet. And my leg cramps and unreal.
But same again tomorrow ;)

I need to loose some serious weight!

KG; ox

foods slave

lastnight  i went on a walk with P.
this morning my bmi had lost that 0.04 it had gone up by yesterday!

I didnt get up this morning and P rang saying she couldnt do tonight so tonight i did my morning run and my night walk and it was alright actually. 
i ate today, i ate alot. but i didnt purge. it must of been about a week since ive ate normaly like i ate today. but its stopped thats it.
i need to be thin
im sick of seeing this fat scummy whore in the mirror when i look at myself.

i fell out with M tonight, he's my bestfriend. i had ago at him cause he's like forgot about me since all the new girls he's  texting and so on, but he only talks to me when he wants something and i was sick of it i was screaming down the phone about how full of himself he is and how he isnt gorgeous and i didnt care anymore. but yanno im kay.
long walk tomorrow with P, she promised a 2/3 hour walk cause she missed today. i'll probably go on my own later aswell.

KG; ox

0.04.

My bmi had gone up by 0.04 this morning when i weighed myself. my weight had gone up a 'little'. its not that i put weight on, its that i didnt loose any!
I slept in i was meant to be up at six to go on my run at half six and i got up at ten to seven, but still got up & went on my run-for-two-minutes, then got a stitch and walked. Thats how unfit i am, any idea what i can do to keep myself running for longer?
I did binge yesterday after my post on; an apple, a sandwich, and a kitkat. I couldnt believe i binged. I wasn't even hungry! I dont know why i did it, im so ashamed.
Blood shot eyes, sore throat, tears running down my face & bad stomach. Is what i had to put up with while purging. It took me ages! it was like my stomach was grabbing hold of the only food it had, got in days and it wasnt letting go. I'd so i got about 70% up which isn't the best but i suppose i could of done worse.
Im getting ready to go to the beach today, catch some sun in this great weather we're having latley!

KG; 0.04 fatter. xo