I was with N [my new boyfriend who i havent had time to tell you about] and we always play this game where we rate people out of ten, and ofcourse he said 9.5 for me saying no one can be perfect and all these amazing girls he's friends with were really thin and pretty. and i honestly could of cried he was like 8 and stuff just because i was there, obviously he meant 1000. and theres this girl who i was convinced he was having a thing with before me and she'll be called Boobs, and we were looking at a photo of her on facebook and he went to say 'she looks pretty as out' and she stopped and tried to change the conversation, i was gutted. cause he always says how much he hates her, obviously just saying it to me but yanno what i mean.
the news with me and the boyf?
erm i was seeing him for a little while, actually not even that long. id still rather be just seeing him then officially going out, its not really my scene, i like more then one guy at a time haha. slut i hear you say? nope, i just like to think if i get let down by one, then i have others to keep my mind off it. he's like an inch taller then me and im really short im about 5ft3, i find it abit weird but its only height. he's actually gorgeous, when i first sore him i was like blimeyyyyyy he is fit! i have no idea why he bothers with me, he'snothing like T but im not sure things seem easier with him like i could just drop him any time i wanted. im not sure if i actually like him, but im like this all the time. he always touches my stomach and i bloody hate it since summer i look like ive put on about 2 stone, and i feel like it too! but yea its all good with me and N, just casual. ha!
Now, the important stuff? why haven't i wrote? what have i been doing? have i been eating a load of shit?
i havent wrote on here because when i was fasting all the time i was feeling so tired and had about 0 energy, one time stood out to me it was the end of school and i was walking towards to bus with my friend and i didnt even have the energy to carry my bag, i could feel my legs and arms shaking. and then the hair situation i wrote about, i still loose hair really bad, but i think its more me stressing about being fat. i've been eating like a pig! im not even joking in the slightest, living off chocolate and chocolate milk! i barley even like the stuff, its so sickly and fatty!
i didnt even go out for new years tonight, ive been throwing up since before christmas. when i split my head open in the crash, ive been getting really bad heads since and ive been backwards and forwards to the doctors for ages. they gave me some pink tablets that did nothing. went back and theyve gave me these things that make me sick and tired. ive got a brain scan on the 14th and im so worried, not about the actual scan, just about what they find! i dont want it to be something awful!
Right and for my diet plan, my new years diet plan;
- 500 cals a day
- fast for 2 days a week, you know how much i love fasting. but im trying to keep it reasonable, rather then all the time and getting ill.
- 30 minutes exercise 5 days a week, easier said then actually done! when i go to school its dark and when i get back its dark!
- sit ups every night, this is vital. a few sit ups everyday is meant to tone your stomach so well.
how i am now, is probably the most unhappy i have ever been in my whole life! nothing cheers me up, not even spending money cheers me up anymore! i looked in the mirror today and imagened i was 10 and i looked and myself and thought when im older i dont want to be anything like her! if i could of seen what i was going to turn out like then maybe things would be different, even last new year i didnt imagen i'd be anything like this now!
ive also made a few new years resolutions -
- stick to my diet plan.
- only eat when im hungry, not bored!
- be a nicer person ha
- and get back to being a happy person! i miss it so much :(
stay strong,ox
